The Mojo Dress

In my last post I said that I was working on a dress for myself. Dan had a work do and I wanted something new to wear. Although if I'm honest, my real motivation was to see if I could get my sewing mojo back.  

When I decided to make the dress, I'd fallen out of love with dressmaking a fair bit. I had managed to ruin it for myself by setting too many deadlines and piling on the pressure to achieve things that I was in no position to. Ridiculous stuff really and more annoyingly, not the first time I've done it to myself either.

I had no interest in spending my time sewing and was completely devoid of ideas. I honestly thought that making this dress for myself would be a chore. Thankfully, it was anything but. Even better, I'm already thinking of ideas for the next one! And it was so nice to have something new to wear on a night out too.
Though perhaps next time I'll leave the heels at home. I mean, they looked great and I got to be a normal height for an evening, but wowza. My feet were crying by the end of the night! To be fair, the skanking and jumping about on the dance floor probably didn't help. And on hindsight, it's a miracle I didn't land on my arse, so I should probably just count my blessings that I got away with sore feet alone!

With regards to The Dress Tree. I haven't thought further than this point so I'm not sure what comes next. The important thing I've taken away from this is that my love of sewing is still there. The sorts of things I like to wear (and therefore make) has changed a great deal since last year so maybe all that was needed was a change of direction after all.

For now I'm just going to continue to take things easy and play with ideas. The shop will probably be on a slow burner now for the rest of the year, but I think I'm happy with that. At least for the time being while I work out exactly where I want it to go.
Slow and steady is better than fast and furious. In this case at any rate. 

And on that note, I will leave you with this picture of me dancing like a loon in a dress that gave me back the sewing bug. Which is why I've affectionately nicknamed it my mojo dress. 

The toad post

Time, I have none.
Money, I have little to spare.
Energy, there is never enough.
Ideas, plans and dreams, an ever growing, ever flowing list that keeps my notebook full and my head buzzing at night when I should be sleeping.

There is a huge imbalance here that needs to be addressed.

Often, when I hear people talk of how stressed or overwhelmed they feel, I catch myself thinking; "free yourself of it then. Do what you absolutely have to get done, then take a step back. You're the only obstacle standing in your way". How easy. How simple.

Isn't it funny how easy it is to identify solutions to other people's problems, but not so easy to recognise how to fix our own?

It's so much harder when you're in the thick of it though. You can't see the wood for the trees. To see the situation objectively you need to take a step back and view it the way an outsider would. And sometimes to do that, you have to abandon plans, admit that you were wrong and reassess.
The trouble is, that can look and feel a whole lot like failing or quitting. And who wants to be a failure who had to quit because they were wrong? I know I bloody don't.
And yet that is exactly where I am right now.

Last year, I really had my shit together. I had a plan and although progress was slow, I made consistent, 'warm, fuzzy feeling' inducing progress.
This year I have no idea what I'm doing if I'm being brutally honest. Not just shop wise, this continues to be my sanity saver. The thought of quitting the shop leaves me with a lump in my throat so I really don't want to do that. But I'll admit, it takes up so much of my time. So much.
And of course there's Alessi. My number one who just recently has moved up a gear mentally and physically. I've joked in the past that I found her hard to keep up with - what the hell was I complaining about? I can no longer work around her even in fits and starts. Before the sewing machine didn't really interest her and she would happily play with her toys or read books by herself for 20 minutes at a time.
That doesn't sound like much, but you'd be surprised what you can get done even with three of those opportunities a day. Now she wants to play with the sewing machine. "Spin the wheel Mummy!" and press the reverse sewing button as I'm stitching. Not ok. Even if she's not touching anything I can't sew with her around me because I'm too concerned about where she is in relation to the sewing machine, where her hands are and whether she's trying to pull out my fabrics again. We're definitely at the pushing boundaries stage now and "no" often means "yeah go for it - let's see what happens".

Perhaps I'm just feeling a little burnt out and need a break. Maybe (while I loathe this thought) I've just reached the end of what I can feasibly do with the shop and need to shelve it for a while *sobs*. Maybe I need to try something else or maybe I just need to run away and find that metaphorical circus.

Who knows. I don't really know where I'm going with this to be honest, it's more of a brain dump. This is one of those posts that I've written a hundred times, only to delete it all again ten minutes later. People I know read this blog, which makes me reluctant to hit publish.

But the need to empty my head of this crap keeps getting stronger. The more I try to push these thoughts down, the more they return to the forefront of my mind and squat there like a toad.

So you could say that this post is my way of taking that toad and lobbing the fat bastard as far away as possible.

I just hope he doesn't come back.

Clearing the crap

We have so much stuff!

And I don't even mean decent stuff. Or beautiful stuff. Or even plain useful stuff. Just irritating, space taking, headache inducing stuff. 

Old phone leads, old phones, so much outdated paperwork, batteries (that I'm not even sure work), clothes we haven't worn in years, things that we keep 'just in case'. Things that are taking over the rooms, drawers, cupboards and attic of this house.

I want a home that is only full of things that are loved and needed. Not stuff that was bought just for the sake of buying something. Or because despite not having used it for over 8 years, it just might come in handy one day. I've seen those extreme hoarder programmes. I know how it goes and I don't want to be crushed to death by a giant pile of Molly Makes magazines. Even if they are pretty.

So once again, I can see a charity shop/Freecyle/eBay/recylcing surge coming up. I'm not overly excited about this if I'm being brutally honest. Sure it's a damn sight more responsible and greener than just binning the whole lot, but it does take a lot of time and effort. I know Dan is particularly going to hate it. He's a 'give it to a charity shop or bin it' type of man. I get it. It's easier and why make life harder for yourself? Well, we do have a credit card bill that will benefit from the selling of stuff if I'm being honest here and I'll be buggered if we're dumping perfectly good stuff at the local tip. 

So here we go again. You can expect to see an updated 'Shop My Stuff' page soon and some more posts about our progress. God I hope there will be progress.

Feeling Reflective - A Month On

About a  month ago I wrote this post. I was feeling overwhelmed and needed to clear my head. The harder I tried however, the more impossible it seemed. Trying to find the source of those feelings just made things worse.

As is so often the case in these situations, the answer was to take a step back.

I threw myself into work, faced up to some home truths and learnt two valuable lessons in the process.

The first, I'm no longer in a position to offer custom orders anymore. As much as I enjoy them, I simply can't do it without snatching time that should be dedicated to Dan and Pip.
While I don't mind working evenings and weekends to meet the occasional deadline, that can't be the norm.

And second, (strap yourselves in, this is a biggie), I lost my way with this blog.
There's a bullshit notion growing within the blogging community that there's a right way and a wrong way to blog
"Want to have a successful blog? Then make sure it looks like this, your photos are interior magazine quality and you only write about X, Y or Z. Oh and make sure you become savvy with Google Analytics so you can waste your time pulling confused faces while muttering 'what the hell does that mean'. Because who wants to enjoy their evenings anyway?"
I'm so angry that I fell for all this. This is a personal blog. It's for me, I started it years ago to waffle on to my heart's content about the things that make me happy. And occasionally to have a bit of a rant about the things that don't. Because I believe in balance and because life is not all funky retro prints and mason jars.
Now I'm not going to lie, I would love to think that people enjoy reading this and that I'm not just waffling to myself anymore, so of course I want to let everyone know about it. But it's still my blog. I still want to write for me.
So I guess what I'm saying is, I realised that I too had started to stray from my path while following the herd. I too was doing the very thing that makes my teeth grind with irritation. That was a bitter pill to swallow. But I'm back. To stay I hope.

I hope this didn't sound too negative or ranty. It was meant as neither. I was just feeling so crap a month ago that I really wanted to share the outcome of it all.  The 'coming out the other side' post if you like.

Over the next coming months you may notice some changes on this blog while I play around with the look of it. I liked the layout before, but if I'm honest, it was how I thought it should look as opposed to what I liked. So I'm going to play a little.
Also the things I write about may or may not change. It may become more mundane, or swing from one thing to another, I haven't decided yet. Again, I'm going to play.

Also, my grammar may be appalling and I may occasionally use terms such as 'amazeballs', 'awesome' and/or 'lolz'.

I offer no apologies for this.

Kim out.

Feeling reflective

I've been feeling a bit pensive and in dire need of change lately.

I'm not sure where this has come from or what kind of change it is that I'm craving, but our weekend in Wales brought home that I need to take a step back from things and have a bit of a think.

The problem is that "things" are still so busy at the moment. Sickness and a broken sewing machine means that I'm a bit behind with current projects and July looks set to be a busy month too.

But if I'm feeling this antsy now, can I really wait that long?

So many thoughts and ideas are whizzing around my head at the moment. It's hard to follow a train of thought without being distracted by something else seconds later.
I can be thinking about this blog, how I want it to grow and yet without having to follow the set path that seems to be written out for bloggers these days. Or how I'd like to stop making for everyone else for just a little while and really get stuck into making myself some some pieces instead. How I'd like to move to Dorset, or buy a motorhome and use it to travel the length and breadth of Britain one summer.
Or there are the more mundane (and realistic) thoughts of what I would like to get done to this place before winter. Get the place painted, finish tidying the garden, the miscellaneous DIY projects I've got stored in my head. Some started, none finished.
All of these things and then some are going round and around my head on a daily basis. It's all amounting to white noise now if I'm honest and I can't keep track.

I'm going to look on the bright side though. Yes I'm feeling overwhelmed, yes I have more things to do than time and yes it's causing frustration and a more than a smidge of anxiety. But I would take this over boredom and feeling uninspired ANY day.

Do any of you feel like this sometimes? How do you get yourself back on an even keel without stopping completely?

My Weekend Off

Last weekend, Dan and Pip went to London for the weekend leaving me home alone.

YEEES!

Usually when I get time like this to myself, I use it to focus on work. Not this time. April has been a very busy month and I promised myself that if I achieved everything on my list, I would keep the weekend for rest and relaxation only. And for once, that's exactly what I did.

Breakfast became an event. Real coffee, pastries, papers and morning radio. Such a luxury!

Lie ins. No need to say more.

I'd heard a few people in my Twitter timeline mention the documentary, 'American Blogger' by Christopher Wiegand, so I decided to give it a go and have a bit of a movie night - with beer and buttered pop corn of course. It was pretty good on the whole, although I think it would have been even better if it had focused on a smaller group of bloggers and spent more time telling their stories. But, very enjoyable nonetheless.

Oh and I gave myself a throw-together foot spa at the same time. Hot water, Epsom salts and soak..

Admittedly, this was not so relaxing, but I wanted to start running again after over a month and a half off. It was a disaster. Apart of raining, my hood refused to stay on my head, my music stopped playing and I had to stop to walk twice. This is most definitely a forced smile.

But it got better once I got back to relaxing and not doing very much at all. 

Lesson learned.

Why guilty pleasures shouldn't make us feel guilty

I used to have a compilation cd years ago that I'd put together and entitled 'Kim's Guilty Pleasures'.
It included Whigfield's Saturday Night and SL2's On A Ragga Tip amongst others. I didn't let anyone know that it existed let alone listen to it for fear of them laughing at me, but of all my cd's it was probably the one that was played the most that summer. Why? It made me happy, simple as that.
I'd sing along at the top of my voice, dance like a loon and just feel pretty damned good.

One of my biggest guilty pleasures is something I like to eat on occasion. Any foodies reading this might want to brace themselves. I love a good kebab.
And nope, I don't have to be drunk to enjoy one. A good lamb kebab with cabbage and lemon juice is just the ticket. Just before I had Pip, I told Dan that it was customary to buy the mother an eternity ring. A sort of "well done for popping out a person" present. I asked him to get me a kebab instead and bless him, he did.

I understand that many of you are recoiling at that one, but there you have it. A good and greasy kebab is one of my all time favourite pleasures and all of a sudden I no longer feel embarrassed to admit it.

And if you're interested, here are a few more of my no-longer-guilty pleasures.

• My playlist has some cool artists on there. Haim, First Aid Kit, CHVRCHES...and James Blunt. Whatever. It's throw-away music that doesn't take itself too seriously and sometimes that's exactly what you need.
• I still have fangirl crushes. That chap smouldering at the top of this post? That's the guy who gave us Loki in the Thor movies. Granted Loki is a bit more goth like and murdery than the men I'm usually attracted to, (looks over at my ginger, non-murdery husband), but still.  Yes please.
• My granny slippers. You know the sort you find at the back of those crap catalogues that occasionally fall through the letter box? Synthetic fleece with the rubber soles? I have a pair, they look so bad, but feel so good.

There now.
And I don't mind telling all of you this because while it might make me all kinds of uncool (anyone who uses the word uncool is by definition "uncool"), they also make me happy and that feels a heck of a lot like winning to me.
So how about you? Are you brave enough (shameless enough) to share some of your guilty pleasures with me? Go on...I double dare you.

Make no comparisons

©Lona Aalders

I've noticed a lot of talk on the internet lately about people comparing themselves to others and feeling bad about their achievements as a result. I get frustrated because I was once terrible for doing this and wasted a lot of time worrying about not doing as well as I felt others in my field were doing.

I can't tell you when I stopped caring about this or how. All I can say is that these days if I catch myself comparing myself to others, I can easily pick any thoughts of failure apart with logic. Are these people you're comparing yourself to even in your industry? I ask this as I was listening to a certain lady singing on the radio the other day and I momentarily found myself comparing my achievements to hers. I mean, she's younger than me and has achieved so much. I don't even have my own wind machine for crying out loud.
Yes I was comparing myself to Beyonce.

And if you are in the same industry, are you even on the same page? Whenever I've spoken to people about this, never are they comparing themselves to people who have started out at the same time as they have. They might be comparing themselves to someone who has been in the game for years, people who had to cut their teeth and make mistakes too, but who stuck at it and are a little bit more experienced as a result.

Or perhaps you're comparing your style to someone else's look. Or maybe it's a little more mundane than that. Maybe you're simply comparing your lot to your neighbour's lot and left feeling a little wanting.

STOP.

No one is perfect and no ones lives are perfect. Take blogs for example - this one included, you see what we want you to see. No more, no less. More often than not, we talk about our successes rather than our failures. It's easy to feel bad about the mess in your home when we've removed all evidence of mess from ours. Trust me though, it's there. As are the shabby clothes, the days where we rock the greasy haired look and the occasional feeling that we're just not doing as well as we could be.

This applies to everyone. EVERYONE. Even Beyonce. Granted hers clothes might be a little less shabby than average and I suspect she might wake up in front of a wind machine, but you can guarantee that there are days where even she looks in the mirror and thinks "gah!".
Yeah yeah I know what you're thinking, but for the sake of this post, just humour me on that one ok?

Try and remember that if you try and copy other people, it will always be obvious. People may not point it out, but trust me they will notice and they will lose interest. If you want to reach your own personal level of Beyonce-ness then be your awesome self and trust that you are awesome in a way that no one else can touch.
Everything about you marks you out as unique and the biggest tragedy is that often we don't realise this and unintentionally piss all over what makes us special by trying to emulate others.

Your style, your spark, it's in everything you do. The language you choose, the way you write, the clothes you choose, the music you listen to, the way you dance..or don't, it's all good, it all makes you vast and brilliant.

Hold your head up high, work hard, do your own thing and MAKE. NO. COMPARISONS.

The working parent dilemma

As I write this I have a little hand holding on tightly to my thumb. It's making typing tricky, but not impossible. She doesn't want me to play with her. I tried and she was all "no Mummy, no Bobo White". Apparently this game is for her and the Cloud Babies only. She just wants me close by in case she changes her mind.
So while she plays with her toys, I'm sat here typing this, albeit slowly and often deleting things when she hits a duff key.

And it's got me thinking, how many of other parents work like this? I'm guessing a lot.
In my life before Pip, if I had to work from home I had the entire day, undisturbed to do whatever needed doing. My working from home days were often more productive than my 'in the office' days. With no one to chat to and no one to interrupt you with various requests, you could get a lot done.
Working with a child in tow is sort of similar, in that I'm technically working from home..but that's about it.
The time I keep however can never be predicted.

Whereas before there used to be five and a half hours of work a day, there's now anywhere between three (a very good day) and nothing getting done at all (not such a good day). And the time you get isn't consecutive either. Two hours worth of work can take an entire day to do.
For example, I may have half an hour in the morning, an hour if she has a nap in the afternoon, fifteen minutes while she has her afternoon snack and another fifteen when Daddy gets home.
The point is you really have no idea if and when you'll be able to get things done so you're on high alert all day in case an opportunity presents itself.
Take today, Pip had a rare afternoon nap so during that time I did some sewing, checked my measurements again, ordered some findings and did a quick search for some alternative fabric suppliers. Not bad for one hour.

Likewise if the sun comes out and photos need to be taken, everything I need is laid out, ready and waiting so I can take advantage of the short time. Pip is plonked in front of Sarah and Duck for ten minutes and usually that's all I need to take the shots. Editing will then be done that evening once she's tucked up in bed. You get the idea. You make the most of the opportunities you get, when you get them.

I hate working this way. It goes against my preferred way of working which is very organised and structured. I like to plan what I'm going to do the night before and get it done one task at a time.

However I've tried all sorts of tactics since starting this business and in the end I've realised that this is just the way it has to be. For now at least.
Are any of you in a similar situation? Do you work whilst trying to entertain a child or *gulp* children at the same time? And if so, how the bloomin' heck do you manage it? In fact if anyone out there, with or without kids, has any tips you think I could benefit from then please do share. I'll welcome them all!

In the meantime, I'll continue to do a little here, a little there, I'll flit from one thing to another and try not to stress about it. And when she needs me, I will put it all down and give her my attention because that's the way it should be.
And during the days when the going is really tough, I'll remind myself that all of this is still in a state of flux and will look very different again a year from now. I'll look back and be glad that I was able to start my business surrounded by Cloud Baby toys with my precious girl's hand wrapped around my thumb.

EDIT: as if the point of this post needed proving further, it's taken me three days to finish writing this.
Although she didn't hold my hand the whole time.

My body is a temple. A neglected one, covered in weeds

I've done it again. I've spread myself too thinly and come down with yet another throat infection. It says something when your toddler, who likes to spend her time licking other children's faces, has a better sickness record than you. Usually I just end up feeling tired and run down, but not enough to grind to a halt completely. Right now though I feel flat out sick. Yesterday was the worst, I ached all over. My hands, feet and oddly, scalp just hurt and I felt like crying. So I took my mopey, achy arse home and slept on the sofa.
The aches have gone today, but I woke up with a painful throat and once again berated myself for not having looked after myself a little more.

And therefore, also once again, I am vowing to take better care of myself and this time I bloody mean it. I've come up with a plan and I hope that by publishing it here, I'll be more inclined to stick to it.
Here we go..

Start running..or maybe yoga
I really do want to take up running, but urgh. It rains so much. Yoga however I can do anytime, indoors, in the dry and more importantly, with Pip. So yeah. One of those.

Eat more often
After giving it some thought I've realised that I usually skip at least one meal every day. WHAT?? I knew my diet wasn't great, but I was genuinely shocked when I realised that this week, there's not been one day that I've eaten properly. And I wonder why I have no energy?!

Put down the coffee
It's not big and it's not clever to run on fumes and caffeine alone. Plus lately I've noticed that I can drink coffee all day with no effect until 6pm then BOOM! Wide awake for the best part of the night. Good going Kim. You flaming genius.

Take time out once a week to just relax
Anyone remember the cider and bubble bath I promised myself the last time I spread myself too thinly? It took me a week to treat myself to the cider and I never found the time for that bath. Relaxation will be made more of a priority. No really.

Here's the thing though. I am utterly crap at looking after myself sometimes. And more often than not, relaxation gets pushed to the bottom of my list of priorities..who has the time right? Well we all do, if we make time for it and we should. It's just that we incorrectly believe that it's not as important as the rest of the things on our to do list.
What I want to know is what do YOU do to relax and unwind? Even if it's only for 10 minutes. Do you make time for yourself or like me, do you just tend to forget? Also do any of you run? How did you get into it? Any tips on that would be greatly appreciated.

These may seem like silly questions, but I really want to make these things a life habit, not just some flash in the pan idea that I'll forget about in a few weeks time so I'd be really interested to hear other people's thoughts.

In the meantime, I'm going to be sat over here with a mug of honey and lemon, trying to pretend it's as good as coffee.