Trying to get my mojo back

Earlier this morning I had a light bulb moment whilst standing in my sewing room.

I was looking at my sewing machine and overlocker, all threaded up and ready to go. Next to them lay the fabric I'd cut to make a dress (for me this time!) all neatly folded up, also ready to go. It was all just sitting there, waiting for me to get on and create something. And I thought, "I wish I could spend more time in here".

No sooner had that thought crossed my mind, than another followed shouting at me "WHAT'S STOPPING YOU??"

And that was my light bulb moment.

What is stopping me?

There always seems to be something else that needs doing first. Bottles need to be made up, nappies changed, laundry put on/hung up/put away, the floor needs hoovering, it's my turn to wash up, the chicken coop needs cleaning, yadda, yadda, yadda. There's always something else.
But that something else never gets counted at the end of the day. It never matters. So if it doesn't matter, why am I putting it first? What am I afraid of? That I'll actually get something done that matters? I'll have something to show for my day other than a stack of clean dishes that will be dirty again in a few hours?

If I was reading this post in anyone else's blog I'd be thinking the same thing you are. Stop.
The cleaning, the tidying up..it'll still be there later. Do what you love and you'll be a better person for it.
But is it really that easy?

I stopped doing all the crappy housework stuff last week to get an order out and the result (the dress) was brilliant - if I do say so myself. I was very happy with it.
The house..not so much. I'm still trying to catch up with the laundry. And if you think it doesn't matter, you quickly change your mind when you realise you're down to your last pair of knickers.
Same with the washing up, you can ignore it until you realise there are no clean cups when you want a cup of tea or saucepans to make dinner with or plates to put the dinner on. House work day in, day out makes me want to munch my arm off, but it's necessary if I want to avoid the Mount Everest of dirty undies that's currently staring at me.

I just need to learn to organise my time better. I've made a start by taking a break from Twitter and as pathetic as it sounds, I already feel like I'm missing a limb. I keep picking up my phone before remembering that I've uninstalled the Twitter app. It's a small step, but appears to be working. Earlier when I found myself with a few minutes to spare, instead of picking up my phone, I picked up my knitting. Cool huh?


Oh shut up. It's a start.

I'm never drinking gin again.

Source

Today we arrived home from Wales where we've spent our first baby-free weekend. Now I must admit, while I couldn't wait to see two of my bestest buds get married, a large part of me was absolutely dreading leaving Pip for two whole days.
So would it make me the worst mother in the world to admit that I didn't miss her?

To clarify, I thought of her a lot. I checked up on her a lot. But I didn't actually miss her. Perhaps it was because I knew she was with someone that I could not only trust 100% but someone who would spoil her rotten with cuddles should she need them..and probably even if she didn't!
For some reason, knowing that she was going to get so much attention and love showered on her, made any anxiety I had disappear and I was able to enjoy my time away.

I'm going to be honest, I feel quite guilty for not missing her and a little voice in my head is telling me that I'm a bad mother for it.

All that said, it was lovely walking back in the house and seeing her smiling face and I'm sure she's got bigger over the past couple of days.

And if I am a bad mother then hey, don't worry. I am feeling pretty bloody awful so Karma wins.

If there are things I miss from my pre-motherhood days then hangovers are not one of them.

No comment!

Not too long ago I was reading a post by one of my favourite bloggers. It was something quite personal to her and it took guts to share. Unfortunately as is often the case, someone decided to leave a comment personally attacking her and chose to do so while hiding behind anonymity.

I find people who do this abhorrent. I can't respect someone who doesn't have the guts to stand by their words and take responsibility for them.

However, this isn't news. We've all seen this from time to time and if you have a blog of your own you may even have experienced it yourself.

But something about this particular post stuck with me and ever since then, I've found myself holding back with my own writing. This started as a personal blog, a place to record times in my life that I would otherwise forget and to write about things that interest me. 

I don't want to hold back if there's something I want to write about and I don't want to worry about boring or offending anyone.

This is the reason you won't find the 'comment here' link at the bottom of my posts anymore.

It's a small move, but one I'm hoping will enable me to start writing freely again.
I enjoy blogging and I don't want to risk that enjoyment being taken away by a negative experience. 

As The Nights Draw In..

Collect conkers

Visit Westonbirt Arboretum

Tidy garden ready for winter

Replace boiler

Winter clothes down from the attic and summer clothes returned to their dusty corner

Winter stuff in the car (de-icer, ice-scraper, blanket, torch etc)

Blankets down from the attic and washed

Block up the old air vent in Pip's nursery (left from when it was a bathroom)

Finish Pip's blanket

Prune indoor grapes vines and wisteria plants

Make Christmas cards

Make Christmas presents

Fix granny blanket

Make an autumn leaf garland

Wash and put up curtains in the conservatory again

Wash conservatory windows and sills

Fill in gaps to keep the damned slugs out!

Make a pumpkin pie (or three)

Buy a winter coat

Stock pile candles

Winter-proof the chicken coop

Tidy shed

Plant spring bulbs