Cake bloody cake!

People of the interwebs, I need your help. It might just save my marriage. But more about that in a minute.

For the past few weeks I've had a real hankering for a cake from my childhood. I had no idea what it was called, just that it used to have mandarin chunks baked into the sponge. A quick search on the internet for "mandarin cake" threw up a multitude of cakes which were all similar, but not quite right.

Eventually (after more time spent looking than I care to admit to), I found images looking more like the elusive cake from my childhood under the guise of 'Pig Pickin Cake'. Unfortunately as it's an American recipe so are the ingredients. What the hell is cool whip anyway and vanilla pudding mix? Not a clue.

So I had a stab and tried to make the cake anyway. It was bad. It was really, very, awfully bloody bad. I managed to simultaneously under bake and burn the sponge at the same time. And the frosting was too runny thanks to being over zealous with the pineapple. Now there aren't many cakes I won't eat, but even I wouldn't eat this one. 

Enter my husband, the gannet. 

Despite being under-cooked, burnt, runny and just plain awful, he seemed to really like it. More than I appreciated actually as when I went and chucked it out he got all huffy and kept giving me his 'you've-let-me-down' face. 

Don't believe me? Look..

Told you.

And hopefully dear people this is where you come in. Can anyone please suggest what I can use instead of cool whip and vanilla pudding mix in order to make the frosting?
I need to redeem myself so I'll be making another one of these pig pickin' pain-in-the-bums and this time it must not beat me so please help!