A Resolutions Check Up

This photo has nothing to do with my resolutions, but I love it. Alessi took it and I think she really has an eye for composition! ..Blurry photos of the floor aside.

We're half way through the year and I thought it would be useful/amusing to see how I'm doing with the resolutions I set myself at the start of the year.

Work, keep it simple
I'm doing really well with this one. To do lists are kept short and focused only on the most important things I need to do. I've been careful not to take on more than I can handle and no longer work weekends. I worked in to the evenings for a week earlier this month, but I consider that a one off. It left me feeling rough enough to remind me why I made this a resolution in the first place!

Time with Alessi, make it count
I'm doing ok with this one, although there are days when things are tough going. When I'm tired of being tugged/shouted at and I feel that we're far from making the most of these remaining pre-school days. But even on those days, when she's in bed I can look back and see logically that all in all, we're going just fine. Over the past couple of months Alessi has had a growth spurt personality-wise. The games and toys she was drawn to earlier this year are now branded as 'boring'. This made keeping her entertained difficult at first, but then I twigged what was happening and things are much easier going again. I'm throwing new things at her to see what sticks, where her spark now lies. Dancing is something she seems drawn to in a big way at the moment and not a day goes by when she doesn't ask to see "that little girl in the video who does the splits". She's referring to Sia's Chandelier video with Maddie Ziegler. We want to take her to a dance class to see if she likes it, but I want to find one that doesn't take itself too seriously. I want her to have fun with whatever she does so I don't want anything to be too structured at this stage. I'll just have to keep watching her and following her lead. So yeah, I think we're doing alright on this one.

Accept myself
Yup. All accepted and happy. Except my skin's bastard habit of breaking out in spots twice a month. That I will never accept. Cheers hormones. But the swearing, wibble wobble body and social awkwardness? I'm ok with it.

Read actual books
If sewing magazines count, then I am totally nailing this. If they don't (they don't), then I'm not, (I'm not).

Celebrate my accomplishments
I got off to a good start with this one, but I've since become rubbish again. I am really annoyed at myself about it. I even have a list at the front of my notebook of things I'd consider to be accomplishments (I am that bad at recognising them when they happen) and having just looked at it, I can see that I've achieved two of them without so much as a "well done me". This one needs some serious work.

So. In a nutshell, I'm doing really well at keeping my work load simple, making my time with Alessi count and accepting myself, but reading actual books and celebrating my accomplishments need some work!

EU - the aftermath

Well. We royally fucked that up didn't we?

I woke up at 5am and usually when I wake up at some stupid hour, I simply roll over and go back to sleep. But I remembered that it was results day so I reached for my phone. When I was met with the sweaty and manically grinning face of Nigel Farage over the heading "Britain votes to leave the EU" I had a surge of adrenalin that went right down to my legs. It that moment, my primal fight or flight instinct kicked in and told me to run.

I knew I wouldn't get to sleep again after that so I went downstairs and sat by the window, coffee in hand feeling utterly betrayed by the country I've called home my entire life.

So what now?

Will there be redundancies at Dan's work? Will his job be safe if so? Is this the start of the end for my shop? Are our plans to move now shot to pieces? And don't even get me started on what this will mean for Alessi's future.

One of the worst things about this is the not knowing. The limbo we now find ourselves in, regardless of which way we voted.
I keep reading the news and that seems to be a mistake. It's just more opinions, more questions. The petition I and millions of others signed, now appears to have been 'hijacked' by well meaning non-British citizens. I'm sure their intention was good, but all they've managed to do is undermine what could have been a powerful message for Parliament from the British people. Maybe it was a long shot anyway, but it was one that gave me hope.

One thing that does make me very happy is that Alessi is too young to understand all this. Last Friday was no different from any other Friday and her biggest annoyance at the moment is that it's raining and she wants to let the chickens out.

So for now the answer to all my questions is the same. Wait and see.

And in the meantime I will endeavour to carry on as normal.

EU nerves

Hello my friends. How're you this fine Wednesday evening?

I'm doing ok, but I'm also in a weird limbo which is leaving me feeling slightly unsettled. And it's all down to this EU referendum hoo ha. First off, I am so sorry for making you have to read that phrase for the kabillionth time. I have severe referendum fatigue and if I could turn it all off and just tune in on Friday morning to find out the outcome, I would.*

First off, I hate what this effing referendum has done to our country. It's brought out the worst in people and fuelled a xenophobic atmosphere which will linger even if we do vote to stay in Europe. A woman is dead and while there are those who deny that the referendum had a part to play, I can't see how it didn't.

And then there's how leaving the EU will affect me personally.

It occurred to me today that if it weren't for the EU, Alessi wouldn't be here. Bare with me.
I wouldn't have met my best friend who moved to the UK from the Netherlands. She wouldn't have introduced me to Dan and we wouldn't have gone on to have Alessi.
So I have the EU to thank for my best friend, my partner and my daughter.
That's pretty impressive I think.

Then there's the other love of my life. The Dress Tree. My humble cottage business that I started when nobody took me seriously. I was advised against it as Alessi was only a year old at the time and "when would I get the time to sew anyway?" Three years later and I've silenced my critics.
But what if we come leave Europe? Well who knows? Literally. No one seems to know. It could be ok. Things might slow down for a little while and then recover. Or the shit might hit the fan at great speed and I may find myself having to close the shop down, just when it was getting to a point when I could start paying myself a regular wage. I believe in some circles, that is referred to as sod's law.

I'm nervous about the outcome and hoping with all my might that we don't fuck this up.

*I've already voted so I'm bored of all the rambling now. And yes, my own included!